Strength, Or the Lack Of
by brighterbrighten
Summary: Kurt's family gets an unexpected new member of their household. When her life is turned completely upside down, will she be able to keep it together? Some Klaine, lots of Kurt/OC and Finn. Just exploring Kurt's "older brother" side. T for warnings inside!


**Hi :D I felt so bad about the crappy chapter update, I decided to let you all have this little jewel that was hiding in my computer. I really like this story, and I hope you guys do, too :)  
>WARNING: suicide, self-hatred.<br>DISCLAIMER: ...still don't own Glee.**

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><p>Kurt's phone started going mad on his nightstand around two in the morning, "Wha?" he moaned, still half asleep.<p>

"Oh my god, Kurt. She's dead." a female voice whimpered on the other end. This woke up Kurt in an instant. It was his baby (well, not so much baby as she was 16-years-old) cousin/godsister.

"Leslie? What's going on?" Kurt threw his blankets off and ran up the stairs from his basement bedroom.

"I-I just found her in her bedroom. She... she had a gun and... oh my God, my mom is dead, Kurt!" Leslie wailed into the phone. Kurt brought his shaking hand to his mouth. Leslie's mom had never liked Kurt because of the fact that he was gay, but him and Leslie always kept in touch and visited each other whenever they could. His father was his mom's brother, and his Uncle Rodger had died from cancer ten years ago. Her father had also been the one to ask Kurt's parents to be Leslie's godparents when she was born. Leslie's mother had no knowledge of this as far as anyone knew and Rodger wanted to keep it that way.

"Leslie, stay there. I'm getting my dad, and we're coming to get you," he ran to his dad and step-mom's bedroom, rapidly knocking on the door before barging in, Leslie still on the phone, "Les, go to your room. I don't want you anywhere near her body, okay? Please."

"O-okay, Kurty. Get here soon. Please," she breathed shakily into the receiver, Kurt could hear her close the door to her own room.

"Try and sleep? I love you." Kurt ignored the confused looks from his parents as he hung up.

Burt rubbed his eyes, "What's up, son?"

Kurt opened and closed his mouth a few times, trying to figure out what to say, "I... Leslie just found her mom in her mom's bedroom. S-she killed herself,"

"Oh my god," Burt practically jumped out of bed and threw some jeans on, "We have to get to Kalamazoo." Kurt nodded and ran downstairs, throwing jeans and his boyfriend's Dalton Academy hoodie on, stuffing his phone in his pocket. He really didn't care about trying to piece together an outfit at this point.

The drive was speedy and extremely silent. Burt had never had a good relationship with Hilda Wellington. She was a politician with offending views towards his son, but her daughter Leslie had always been a sweet girl. She loved Kurt to pieces when they were kids, always sharing her dolls. Her father had died a few years before Kurt's mother, and Burt attributed their closeness to the deaths of their parents. Hilda never agreed with Leslie's relationship with the Hummels, but they loved Leslie to death and would never not let Leslie come over to play with Kurt for a weekend every month in the summer. Three hours later they pulled into the Wellington's driveway and Kurt ran up the door, leaning on the bell. Seconds later, Leslie opened the door. Her face was red and wet as she collapsed into Kurt, sobbing. Kurt caught her and ran his hand up and down her back, "It's okay, it's okay," he whispered over and over in her ear. Burt ran up the stairs, 911 already on the phone. No more than five minutes later was Burt back downstairs, his hat in his hand and his face stripped of any and all color.

"The officer wanted us to stay here until they got here. Leslie, we're your godparents, so you're going to come back to Lima with us, okay?" Burt asked quietly, kneeling in front of the girl. She nodded, "Th-thanks for coming," she tried to withhold a sob, but it came anyway. Burt sighed and patted her knee. Minutes later the cops showed up with an EMT behind, no sirens wailing. They went upstairs, wrapped Hilda's body in a white sheet, and took her into the ambulance.

"Leslie?" the female officer asked, kneeling in front of her, "Sweetheart, I know this is going to suck but I need you to tell me what happened."

Leslie sat up and nodded, "I was sleeping... I heard the gunshot but I thought it was thunder. So I woke up and noticed it wasn't raining so I went to my mom's room... and..." she couldn't go on without collapsing into Kurt again with sobs. The female officer smiled at Leslie, "That was all I needed. You can go home with your cousin now, honey. We'll be in contact later," Leslie nodded and stood when Kurt grabbed her gently by the arm.

"I'm gonna pack a bag," she said, voice tired, when the police left with her now dead mother. Kurt helped her pack a bag of things she would need indefinitely.

"Kurty?" Leslie asked in a small, young voice when he was helping her pack clothes and she sorted through her toiletries, Kurt looked up, a small smile spreading on his face from her childhood nickname for him, "If I'm going to be staying with you for a while, does this mean I get to meet Blaine?"

Kurt smiled even wider and walked across the room to hug his little cousin, "Of course, Lezzie." he kissed the top of her head as her shoulders shook and she cried silently. Burt walked into the room just then, a sad smile spread over his face, "We should probably get home. Kurt, you can stay home from school tomorrow, hang with Leslie while we get things situated." Kurt nodded and picked up Leslie's Louis Vuitton suitcase while she grabbed her purse and backpack. Leslie stared at her bed for a moment, staring at the stuffed unicorn lying there. Her father had given her the unicorn when Leslie went through her princess phase at age 4. She grabbed it and turned to her uncle and cousin, "Hang on," she muttered, darting into her mother's room before screaming.

"Leslie!" Burt yelled, running after her. She had crumbled to the floor, clutching the unicorn and was sobbing uncontrollably. He saw what she had screamed at and swallowed the bile coming up in his mouth. Hilda's blood on the pure-white carpet. He gathered Leslie in his arms and walked carefully down the stairs into the marble foyer. Kurt followed a few seconds later, "I know what she wanted, so I went to get it." he held up a blue sweatshirt in his right hand, Leslie's things in his other.

"What is that?"

"It's her mom's sweatshirt from college. Leslie always wore it when she got sick or her mom was gone." Burt gave his son a thoughtful smile as they walked to the car, setting Leslie in the backseat with Kurt.

Kurt nudged Leslie a little, who had calmed down but tears were still sliding down her face, "Here," he handed the girl the bright blue Duke sweatshirt and Leslie's eyes lit up, "How'd you know?"

"You wore it whenever you came to visit us, or when your mom was gone, and when you were sick. I knew this is what you went back to get, so I grabbed it for you," Kurt smiled as Leslie side-hugged him.

"Thank you, Kurt" she said in his ear, her voice breaking. Kurt smiled and let Leslie put her head on his chest, cuddling her unicorn and the sweatshirt.

They arrived back at the house around nine in the morning. Burt called McKinely and told them Kurt wouldn't be joining them for the rest of the week. It was Wednesday, so he figured it wouldn't hurt Kurt's grades too much.

"Sweetheart, we're here," Burt gently shook Leslie's leg. She blinked a few times, hoping it had all been a dream. But when she woke up in the back of Burt's car, her right hand clutching her unicorn, her left hand holding on to her mother's sweatshirt, she realized it wasn't. It was a real-life nightmare. They walked into the house and Carole was the first one to greet them.

"Oh Leslie," she recognized the woman immediately. While Carole would never be Kurt's mother, she was definitely good enough for Leslie, she loved Carole.

"Hi," Leslie muttered, trying to be polite with a smile. Carole smiled sadly and squeezed Leslie into a tight hug. She breathed in her step-aunt's scent. She smiled like a mom and Leslie took great comfort in that.

"Why don't you go upstairs and sleep? Lord knows you could use it." Burt said from behind Leslie. She nodded and dragged her suitcase up to the all-too-familiar guest room, where she stayed about four times every year. She dropped her suitcase inside the door and crashed onto the bed, her hands still clutching the two items like her life depended on them. And right now, she felt like it did.

* * *

><p>"Blaine, I'm so sorry but I'm going to have to cancel our date tonight," Kurt said over the phone in his room later that afternoon.<p>

"What, why?" Blaine sounded sincerely bummed.

"I... my cousin called me at two this morning. You know Leslie? Her mom committed suicide and she was the one who found her. My dad and I drove to Kalamazoo to pick her up and it was awful. She's staying with us because we're her godfamily. My dad pulled me out of school until next week Monday. But, we'll do something this weekend," Kurt promised, "even though we might have to include Leslie. I feel so bad for the poor girl, she's a wreck."

"Of course Kurt, I love Leslie. She's such a sweet girl. She doesn't deserve this," Blaine sighed, Kurt nodded though he was well-aware Blaine couldn't see, "I'm gonna send flowers to your house, but they're for Leslie. What kind does she like?"

Kurt melted at how sweet his boyfriend was, "Wild flowers. Blaine, you are an amazing person. I love you," he sighed.

The shorter boy chuckled, "I love you too. We'll hang out soon. With or without Leslie. I promise."

They talked for a few minutes before hanging up. Kurt walked back up the stairs to find Finn and Leslie playing Call Of Duty on the couch. Leslie had her mom's sweatshirt on, the hood pulled up over her head. Kurt watched, leaning his arms on the back of the couch until Finn's character shot someone in the head, blood spewing out and Leslie shrieked, throwing her controller on the ground. Kurt hopped over the couch and took the crying redhead in his arms, whispering comforting words in her ear.

Finn's face went pale as Carole came running into the room, "Oh my god, Leslie. I am so sorry," Finn croaked.

"What's going on?" Carole asked, surveying the room.

"We were playing COD when someone got shot in the head and... I had no idea. I wasn't thinking. I'm so sorry," Finn said over Leslie's calming sobs. Carole shot Finn a sympathetic look, letting him know he wasn't in trouble. Once Leslie calmed down she rubbed her eyes and looked at Finn, "I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking something like... that... would trigger last night," she managed to choke out before crying again. "I'm sorry," she sobbed as she ran up the stairs, slamming the door to her room.

Finn rubbed his face with his hands, obviously upset with himself, "I'm going over to Puck's," he mumbled, grabbing his coat and leaving.

"Carole, is he okay?" Kurt asked as his stepbrother stormed out of the house. She sat down next to him on the couch, "Over the last two years, he's come to think of Leslie as a little sister. She talks to him about as much as she talks to you. She loves you both to death, but for different reasons. Leslie gets her fashion and Broadway feed from you, while she gets her video game and football feed from Finn. You boys and Burt are the only men she's ever really had play a dominant part in her life," Carole wrapped her arms around the blue-eyed boy, who smiled.

"I'm gonna make some tea and bring it up to Leslie." she nodded and planted a kiss on his temple. Kurt busied himself with making tea and humming along to the Wicked soundtrack he had started playing on his iPod in the kitchen. He didn't notice Leslie come in, holding her unicorn, until she spoke, "Is that for me?" she asked as Kurt took the kettle off the stove.

"Yeah, you want some?" Kurt asked, grabbing two mugs. Leslie nodded and sat at the table.

"I feel like I'm six all over again, but this time I'm completely alone," she muttered, tying her long, straight hair into a bun.

"Leslie, you're not alone," Kurt placed a mug full of hot tea in front of his cousin.

The girl shook her head before taking a small sip of her earl gray, "When my dad died, I was too young, but I had my mom. And now... I have no parents." the tone in her voice indicated realization, "Oh my god I'm an orphan," she spat the word out like it was poison. Kurt's heart broke at the sentence. He outstretched his arm and patted his leg with the other. Leslie looked at her older cousin like he was crazy, but crawled into his lap anyway, still clutching her unicorn.

"You have taken that thing everywhere with you since you were four. Do you remember the story behind it?" Kurt asked, Leslie shook her head.

"Kurt, you were six. How do you even remember?" Leslie laughed, getting herself in a more comfortable position on the boy's lap, sipping her tea more now that it had cooled down.

"No idea. But, you went through this huge princess phase, I like to take the credit for that, and you demanded that every good princess needed a unicorn. So your dad went out that week and found you the perfect stuffed unicorn. At the time, it was huge to you because you were so small for your age. You changed it's name about a million times before your dad convinced you that you were just going to confuse it. I think it's name officially became 'my unicorn' when you were six. Shortly before your dad died," Kurt smiled sympathetically.

Leslie looked down at the matted white stuffed toy in her arms and smiled a little, "I don't remember much of my dad. But I do remember running to the front door and bouncing up and down when I saw his car pull into the driveway. I remember piggy back rides and singing with him at the baby grand in our living room." she smiled a far-away smile.

"What about your mom?" Kurt asked, trying to make her feel better.

Leslie's smile grew, "Every Saturday morning in the spring and summer and fall we went to the farmer's market. I always got to pick out the apples and carrots, while she picked out everything else. I remember her doing my nails bright red like hers and her teaching me how to braid. She bought me my first pair of Coach shoes, and the pair of Ray Ban sunglasses I wear all the time." Leslie's smile faltered a little in a sad way, "She taught me to be fabulous and witty while my dad taught me to be down-to-earth and compassionate, even at a young age. You played a large part in the fabulous part, of course," she smiled at her cousin, who had tears in his own eyes. "What's wrong?"

Kurt sighed, "It makes me think of my mom. They were so much alike, even if yours couldn't stand mine," Leslie looked down, guilt washing over her face, "Oh my god, no, don't feel guilty. Our moms were polar opposites. It's okay." Kurt smiled and put his hand on her's, "My mom taught me to sing, dance, make cupcakes, and how to walk in heels," this made Leslie laugh which brought a smile to Kurt's face, "I loved my mom. And I promise you, though our situations are completely different, you will get through this. I promise. It's gonna be so hard for a while, but you'll be okay. You really will." Leslie smiled through her tears.

"Thanks, Kurt. I love you." Leslie choked out before she started crying all over again, "Oh my god I cry too much," she half-laughed, half-sobbed. Kurt looked up as Finn walked in the door, looking stressed.

"Hey, Leslie?" he asked from behind her chair. She looked up at him and stood, wrapping her small arms around his athletic torso. "I'm sorry," he said into her hair. Leslie nodded, "I know," she whispered, "It's okay."

* * *

><p>"Leslie?" Burt knocked on the guest bedroom's open door later that night, "Dinner's ready, are you hungry?"<br>Leslie was laying on the bed, curled up on her side, facing the window away from the door. She gave a small nod and sat up, rubbing her tear-stained face. She followed her guardian down the stairs, surprised to see Blaine sitting next to Kurt, laughing. She gave Kurt a sarcastic look, to which Kurt responded by rolling his eyes. "Blaine, this is my cousin Leslie," Kurt stood up and linked arms with her's, "I told him, I hope that's okay." she said in her ear.

Leslie nodded, "Hi Blaine," her voice was weak and tired.

"Nice to meet you Leslie, Kurt has told me wonderful things about you," Blaine smiled, all dapper-like before Finn asked Blaine to come into the kitchen and help with something.

"I give him a 9." Leslie said quietly.

"Nine? Come on, he's at least a ten." Kurt protested just as quietly.

"He'd be a ten if he was straight," Leslie laughed. Kurt rolled his eyes and sat at the table in between his boyfriend and Leslie, who was seated next to Finn.

"Leslie I want you to know how much we love you," Burt started once everyone was seated with food on their plates, "We're all here for you if you want to talk about anything. You are an amazing human being, and we would all do anything for you," Burt's voice cracked at the end and Leslie smiled a little, tears in her eyes for what seemed like the nine hundredth time in the last two days.

"Thanks," she managed to say, pushing her food around her plate. She took a bite of mashed potatoes before pushing her meal away. Leslie looked down at her lap, which hosted her folded hands.  
>"Not hungry?" Kurt asked. Leslie shook her head and wiped her eyes.<p>

"Excuse me," she said before running up the stairs to her room. She shut the door behind her and put her hand up against her mouth, trying to mute the sobs. Kurt knocked on her door a few minutes later. She backed away and opened it. Kurt walked into her room and sat on the bed before Leslie exploded, "What the hell did I do wrong? First my dad and now my mom? Am I that terrible of a person that I don't deserve parents?" Leslie choked out a sob, surprising herself at this explosion, "I have never done anything disgustingly wrong. So why the hell don't I deserve to be happy? Why don't I deserve parents?" Kurt opened his mouth to respond but Leslie continued, breathing heavy, "My dad was an amazing man. But did I ever get the chance to find that out for myself? No! Because he was killed by cancer when I was six. And then my mom killed herself almost 48 hours ago. Was I that terrible of a daughter that she felt like she shouldn't be living anymore? She always said I was her life after dad died." she inhaled harshly, "but then she-" Leslie tried to take another breath but it caught from sobs, "But then she fucking killed herself, and I'm left to wonder what I did wrong," she was full-on sobbing so hard that she couldn't breath. She crouched down on the ground and cried loudly. Kurt rushed over and took Leslie in his arms.

He simply let her sob until she had calmed down a little, "Leslie, listen to me," Kurt said, trying to control his own emotions. By this time, Finn and Blaine were in the doorway after they heard Leslie screaming, "This is not your fault. You heard my dad, you are a wonderful human being who happened to fall into the worst of circumstances. You are beautiful and smart and an amazing dancer. This. Is not. Your. Fault. You cannot blame yourself for what happened. You have us, okay? You can't feel alone, because dammit, you're not," Kurt said, his normal quiet demeanor broken with his protective side.

Leslie stared at Kurt before wiping her eyes, a small whimper escaping her throat.

"Go to sleep, Lezzie. We have a really long day of arrangements to make tomorrow," Kurt sighed and gave his little cousin one last hug. Leslie nodded and took off her sweatshirt, not wanting it to lose her mother's scent before crawling into bed, wrapping her arms around the unicorn.

Kurt and Blaine walked hand-in-hand down the stairs while Finn watched her sleep.

"He's so protective of her," Blaine said as they met at the front door.

Kurt nodded, "I know. He's only known her two years, but they're really close. Almost as close as me and her are." Kurt leaned into Blaine's chest as the shorter boy kissed the top of his head.

"I gotta go, test tomorrow. Take care of Leslie, and yourself okay? I don't want you overworking yourself worrying about her," Blaine smiled and kissed his boyfriend gently. Kurt returned the kiss and watched Blaine drive off in his car before going downstairs to his bedroom. Tomorrow was going to be agonizingly long.

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><p>"I don't know if I can do this," Leslie whimpered, staring at her mother's closed bedroom door. Kurt put his arm around her shoulders, "It'll be easier now because you're still hurting. If you wait, it'll just bring back all that pain you had gotten over,"<p>

Leslie knew Kurt was right as she reached out a shaking hand to the doorknob, twisting gently until the door gave way. She stepped into her mom's room, relieved the blood was gone from the floor, and glad it still smelled like her. Leslie walked over to the dresser, where her mother's jewelery and stashed cash was kept. Before she could do anything, there was a knock on the door. Leslie turned her attention to the female officer who had questioned her the other day, "Leslie, take whatever you want from your mom's stuff. You were left with... quite a large sum of money judging from your mother's suicide note-"

"She left a note?" Leslie's voice went dry. The officer nodded and handed her a ripped page of notebook paper, "There was another page, but we saved it for our records. It was what you would get, what should be sold, etcetera." Leslie nodded and took the note with a shaking hand from the policewoman.

"I'll leave you alone, Leslie," Kurt smiled a little and followed the woman out of the bedroom.

Leslie took a deep breath and unfolded the note.

_Lezzie,_

_I'm sorry. I am so, so sorry. Please know this is not your fault. I had to do this. For the last few years I have been utterly lost without your father. I've tried to be strong for you, but this just proves that I couldn't. You remind me so much of Rodger. Your compassion, love of cooking, and your gorgeous smile.  
>You are such a wonderful young woman, Leslie Grace. I loved you so dearly, but I had to do this. Never stop dancing. Never stop loving other people. Never stop being your fathers daughter. Marry a man like him, and you will never be sad.<br>I love you so much Leslie. Please never doubt that for a single moment. You were the second greatest thing to happen to my life besides your father.  
>All my love,<br>Mom_

Leslie put the note against her chest and squeezed her eyes shut as tears spilled over. She breathed deeply before shoving the note into her jeans pocket and rubbing her eyes. When she finally made her way to her mother's jewelry box, she had composed herself. She lifted the silver lid and looked inside. The first thing that caught Leslie's eye was her mother's wedding ring. Unlike Hilda's lifestyle, it was simple. Silver with three small diamonds. Or maybe it was platinum. Either way, it was beautiful. Leslie's hands were much more slender than her mother's, so she slid the ring on her right middle finger. And it fit perfectly. After sifting through the rest of the expensive pieces of jewelery, she shut the box and walked downstairs where Burt was filling out papers on the kitchen table.

"You're done?" Kurt said in surprise. Leslie nodded, "I just wanted her wedding ring. It's the only thing that ties my mom and my dad together."

Kurt smiled thoughtfully and glanced at her right hand, admiring the simplicity of it, "It's very you," Leslie nodded, looking down at her hand.

"Hey, Leslie. This Mr. Winehouse, he's the funeral director. Your mother wanted to be cremated, but he has a couple of vases for you to pick from. In fact, your mom laid out exactly how she wanted the funeral to go, so there is little planning to do. She wanted-"

"A small ceremony. Me speaking. That's it. I know, thanks Uncle Burt." Leslie smiled and sighed as she signed papers and picked out a vase that her mother would love. They wrapped up quickly and Kurt and his father got ready to go. "Can... can I have a minute?" Leslie asked, not crying for the first time a long time. "Of course," Burt smiled. Leslie looked around the lavish house in Michigan. This would be the last time she would ever see it. All of her things were packed and in a trailer attached to Burt's truck, ready for her to move into the guest room permanently. She looked into her baby-pink bedroom. Completely empty. She had spent her entire life in this house. She walked back down the stairs and looked at her family, "We can go, I'm ready."

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><p>That week after her mother's death was a crazy one. Burt and Carole made sure to get her registered at McKinley High School. Kurt had convinced her to try out for Glee Club. While her voice wasn't terribly strong, her dancing is what made Mr. Shue cave and say yes. The funeral was to be held Wednesday. Exactly one week from Hilda's death.<p>

Leslie stood by her mother's casket, it was closed. Just as she wanted it. She would be cremated after the ceremony, her ashes sprinkled over Lake Michigan, where she spent every summer as a kid and where she brought her family before her husband had died.

Once everyone had filed in, the priest got up to speak.

"Good afternoon. We're here to celebrate the life of Hilda Grace Wellington. She was a mother, and a successful politician. I have known Hilda since she was a baby, and have gotten the pleasure to know her beautiful daughter, as well. Leslie, could you come up and speak?" he walked away from the podium as Leslie approached it, her knees knocking.

"Um, hi." Leslie took a deep breath, catching the eyes of Kurt who smiled and nodded, "My mom was the most wonderful woman I ever knew. She taught me so much. She taught me how to feel pretty. She taught me confidence. A lot of people say you can't teach that, but s-she did," Leslie's voice began shaking, "I loved my mom. I still do. Somethings she did I didn't agree with, but I still loved her. I... I don't know what else to say. Every girl needs her mom whether they want to admit it or not. And she was taken from me. I reminded her every once in a while that I appreciated her, but she didn't hear it enough. No matter how many times I would have said it, it wouldn't have been enough. For ten years of my life, she was both a father and a mother." she turned to the coffin, "Momma, I love you. And I miss you." she took a moment and turned back to the crowd, "Thank you," her voice cracked and her eyes filled with tears. The rest of the ceremony was a blur to Leslie, who accepted hugs and sympathy.

"You did beautifully," Kurt hugged Leslie tight and rubbed her back.

"Thanks," Burt and Carole and Finn came up behind her.

"Come on, let's go eat something," Burt smiled down at his niece and son.

* * *

><p>"Leslie, wake up, you're gonna be late for school," Kurt was shaking Leslie awake on the Monday following the funeral.<p>

"No," she muttered, burrowing deeper into her down comforter.

"Leslie! Come on," Kurt jumped on her bed, making Leslie laugh.

"Okay, okay! Get out so I can get ready!" Leslie plastered on a smile and walked over to her closet, opening it and wondering what the hell she was going to wear. She finally settled on a hoodie from her old school, her favorite pair of skinny jeans and her favorite BCBG ballet flats. She brushed out her hair and put it in a fish-tail braid. She kept her make-up simple with light eyeliner and mascara. She grabbed her bag and made her way down the stairs.

"It is unfair how beautiful you make a sweatshirt and jeans look," Kurt said, looking his cousin up and down.

Leslie laughed, "Thanks," she sat down and helped herself to some granola and vanilla yogurt, "I'm nervous," she said, twisting her mom's ring around her finger. It was her first real day at her new school. The others had been finalizing her schedule, auditioning for Glee Club and being pulled out half-way because of panic attacks.

"You'll be fine. You have the entire New Directions crew behind you. And you and I are going out to dinner with Blaine tonight." Kurt shot her a reassuring smile which calmed Leslie down a bit.

"I hope so. I'm in all advanced classes. I don't want to be known as the nerd. Again." she stirred her breakfast around, forcing herself not to cry. She missed her mom. She missed her dad. She missed her old school and her old friends. But after Hilda had died, they all stopped speaking to her.

"Leslie, trust me. You will be fine. Come on, let's get going," Kurt picked up his bad and keys while Leslie followed with her backpack. The car ride was silent, with only Kurt's soft humming along to his iPod. Leslie was nervously twisting her mother's ring, staring out the window

"Are you okay?" Kurt asked as they pulled into the parking lot.

Leslie shook her head, wiping her face, "Every time I was nervous, mom would pat me on the knee, tell me to smile like I knew everyone's biggest secret, and walk like I was on the runway in Paris. And that always worked. But now that she's... gone, I feel like half of me is missing. I had a lot of friends at my old school, but we were only friends because of the money we came from. And I know you and your family love me and are there for me, but she was my mom. She's the one who took care of me when I was sick or upset. I don't have that anymore. And I feel one hundred percent alone." before Kurt could even respond, Leslie got out of the car and headed for her locker.

"Hey, Leslie!" she heard Finn yell from down the hall, she wiped her leaking eyes again and turned to smile at the tall senior.

"Hi," she practically whispered, taking her English stuff out and closing her locker.

"We have English in the same hall, you wanna walk with me?" Finn smiled, ignoring Leslie's red and wet face. She simply nodded. "Are you excited about Glee?" he asked, trying to get a conversation started.

"I guess." her response was barely audible.

"Cool. Yeah, I think you'll love it. Everyone's really excited to have you dancing and stuff. Mike and Brittany especially, because they're our dancers." Finn nodded, feeling awkward because of the mood Leslie was in.

"Yeah," Leslie whispered and darted into her classroom, leaving Finn and taking the empty seat near to the door. The class went by quickly, and she was glad for the distraction. Her other classes went by just as well: Calculus 2 and Advanced Microbiology before lunch. Because Leslie was on an accelerated schedule with all advanced classes, her subjects were longer and therefore she had fewer classes in the day. She was dreading lunch when she practically ran into Kurt and Rachel in the hallway.

"Like hell you're walking into the cafeteria alone," Kurt smiled and Rachel took some of Leslie's books in her own arms.

"Oh my gosh, you're like the Hermione Granger of McKinley," Rachel said, glancing at the titles.

"My mom taught me that studying is more important than anything at this age, so I took her seriously. I don't go out unless all my homework is done. But I guess my dad was a genius, and she swears, I mean swore, that I got my smarts from him," Leslie smiled sadly as Rachel put a hand on her shoulder as they walked to the cafeteria. When they got there, Kurt and Rachel led them to a table which was already full of kids whom Leslie didn't recognize at all.

"Leslie, this is the Glee club. That's Brittany, Santana, Lauren, Quinn, Sam, Mike, Tina, Artie and Puck. And of course you know Finn," the kids all smiled at her pleasantly.

"Um, Kurt, you can go get food. I'm gonna work on homework," Leslie sat down and opened her think Bio book.

"Do you want anything?" Kurt asked, his face worried.

"No, I'm not hungry." Leslie shook her head and dove into her book and homework. She could feel Kurt's and Finn's eyes on her, but she ignored them. Towards the end of lunch, she closed her books and put her completed assignments away. She stared at her watch until the bell rang and she ran out of the cafeteria, hastily shoving all of her books into her bag. The rest of the day dragged on until Glee club. Which she was kind of dreading. Leslie stood at her locker, thinking back to what homework she had and was happy when she realized she didn't have any except for two math problems, which she could finish during lunch, because math was her last class of the day. She swung her light bag over her shoulder and walked to Glee, trying to hold her head high until she passed a group of girls who snickered. Leslie stopped and looked at them, until the taller brunette said something, "We heard you transferred because you slept with like, the entire football team of your old school and contracted clap," Leslie's face went pale and she thought she was going to pass out.

"For your information, slutburger, she went to an all-girls school in Michigan, you tramp. So I suggest you lay off of my girl Leslie here, and get a new hobby," Santana snapped from behind Leslie. The mean brunette scoffed and walked away, her posse in tow. "Ignore her, she's slept with more guys than I have. Which is saying something."

Leslie nodded and followed Santana into the choir room. Normally, she would have thrown a snappy comeback right at the girls, but she was too tired and depressed to even think clearly.

"What happened, Leslie? You look like you've seen a ghost," Mr. Shuester noted, organizing sheet music.

"Some bitch tried to get to her by saying she heard a rumor that Leslie transferred because she got clap from the football team at her old school," Santana snapped, taking her seat next to Brittany.

"I'm fine," Leslie forced a smile and sat in the back, between Finn and Kurt. Leslie sat back during rehearsal, while Rachel did a duet with Kurt and Quinn sang a song by herself. Leslie was amazed by the talent that was in McKinley's Glee club. Practice went by quickly, and before she knew it her and Kurt were in the car driving to the Lima Bean, the local coffee shop to meet Blaine.

"What do you want, Leslie?" Kurt asked, slipping off his scarf once they got in the door. For mid-October, it was oddly warm in Ohio.

"Um, hot chocolate, please. Thanks Kurt," she smiled and went off to grab a seat until Blaine waved her over, "Kurt's getting drinks." she said when Blaine started looking over the girl's shoulder.

"How was your first official day?" Leslie swore he sounded like a father for a moment.

Leslie shrugged and hung her jacket on the chair across from Blaine, "Okay I guess. These girls tried to heckle me but Santana came to my rescue," she finished just as Kurt set a steaming coffee cup in front of her before kissing Blaine and sitting next to her.

"I would have loved to have seen their faces when the one and only Santana stood up to them," Kurt laughed and took a sip of his latte. Leslie nodded and stirred her hot chocolate a little before taking a small swig. It was awkwardly silent for a moment until Blaine spoke.

"So, you doing okay, Leslie?"

She looked at him, 'is this kid fucking serious?' she thought, "Yeah!" she faked a smile and went back to paying attention to the details in the wooden table.

"Are you guys all set for Sectionals?" Kurt asked, finally breaking the silence.

Blaine nodded and set his mocha down, "Yeah, we're doing 'Misery' for sure, maybe 'Good Riddance', and so we just have to pick one or two more songs. What about you guys?"

"Getting there. We're doing 'Seasons Of Love', but we're not sure what else. Rachel thinks we should just do Wicked, but I have no idea. What do you think Leslie?" Kurt turned to the younger girl, who simply shrugged. Blaine could tell something was bugging Leslie, so he excused himself to go to the bathroom after shooting Kurt a knowing look. "Leslie, what's going on? Is it just your mom or something else?"

Leslie put her head in her hands and sighed, "I feel like I can't move on. I'm stuck. I can't be happy because my mom died. People keep telling me I'm going to be okay, but I'm not. I will never be okay. I've lost so much the last sixteen years. I'm not supposed to deal with this until I'm old. I'm gonna call Finn and see if he'll pick me up. I just wanna go home," she sniffed and wiped her eyes as tears came spilling out.

Kurt nodded and pulled the girl into his arms for a hug. She squeezed him tight and walked outside to call her step-cousin. Blaine came back moments later, a worried expression on his face. "I sent flowers today during lunch, they should be there for her when she gets back," Kurt smiled at the thought.

"I'm so worried about her. She always sleeps, doesn't eat. And she's normally bubbly and outgoing but now she's not. I don't want her to feel alone, but she does."

Blaine put his hand on top of Kurt's, "She's going through a really hard time. She lost both her dad and her mom. That's a lot of loss. I can't imagine having someone I love killing themselves. That's completely unexpected."

Kurt nodded, "And I know it's been less than three weeks. But it breaks my heart every time I see her because she always looks so defeated. Like life kicked her swift in the ass, which I guess it kind of did." Blaine smiled thoughtfully. The two finished their coffee and promised to call each other later. When Kurt got home, it was oddly silent. "Hello?" Finn jogged down the stairs. "Hey, I picked Leslie up from the Lima Bean, and mom and Burt are out grocery shopping." Kurt nodded as Finn scratched his head, "Leslie's really messed up today. I talked to her and she said it had nothing to do with those girls. I can't believe how upset she is. I remember losing my dad, but I was so little that I never got that sad. I moped around for a few months, but only because I was too young to know anything." Finn sat on the couch where Kurt had set himself down, "She said she feels like she will never feel happy again, dude."

Kurt looked at his older stepbrother, "We have to do something," Finn nodded, agreeing at once.

* * *

><p>Kurt knocked on Leslie's bedroom door an hour later, a plate of white chocolate chip cookies, her favorite.<p>

"Leslie, I made you some cookies," Kurt said, staring at the lump on the twin bed that was Leslie. She turned over at the sound of "cookies". She was still cuddling her unicorn. It was like she was unable to let it go when she was home.

"Thanks, Kurt." she smiled. Her face was red and her eyes were puffy.

"You know you have to talk about what you're feeling. You can't keep it all inside, or you're going to hurt yourself," Kurt sighed as Leslie took a bite of a cookie, "those random explosions you have aren't healthy, Lezzie."

Leslie nodded, "I know, but I don't know how to talk about it. I mean, you know how I'm feeling, but that's just the angst-y teenager in me." she sighed and took another cookie.

They snacked in silence until Carole walked in the door, "Hey Leslie! I was thinking you skip school tomorrow, and you and I go shopping in Toledo. There's a wonderful mall there, and I think you could use a day to yourself."

Leslie's eyes lit up for the first time since finding her mother, "How'd you know I loved shopping?"

"A mother/step-aunt knows, sweetheart. We'll leave at about nine tomorrow, okay?" Leslie nodded happily.

"Oh my god I hate you," Kurt said, turning his attention to Leslie.

"What? Why?" Leslie put another cookie in her mouth, her mood clearly lifted.

"No one ever pulled me out of school for shopping!" Leslie laughed. Really laughed. For the first time in days.

* * *

><p>The next day, Carole and Leslie were headed to Toledo, Starbucks in hand. "Thank you for doing this, Carole." Leslie said, pulling her knees up to her chest.<p>

Carole smiled at the young redhead, "You're welcome sweetie. Don't get me wrong, I love shopping with Kurt, but I haven't had a girls day in a while. I thought you and I could both use it," They pulled into the almost empty parking lot and got out of the car, walking towards the mall, "So, what do you like to wear? Stores, clothes, whatever."  
>Leslie smiled, "I'm the complete opposite of my mom. I love Nikes and jeans and sweatshirts. Or I wear leggings with a cardigan and ballet flats. And then if it's warm, shorts, t-shirts and flipflops."<p>

Carole smiled and wrapped her arm around Leslie's shoulders, "Glad we're on the same page. Kurt drags me into all these crazy designer stores when I just want to hit the Gap and Old Navy,"

Leslie smiled and nodded her agreement, "Definitely."

The two spent the day shopping and laughing and talking about everything except Hilda. It was a nice change for Leslie, because everyone was always asking how she was holding up, or giving her stupid sympathetic looks all the time.

When they were finished, their arms weighed down from Barnes & Noble, Gap, Old Navy and Aldo bags, both women were exhausted, but in the best possible way.

"Aunt Carole?" Leslie said once they hit the road again. She noticed Carole's smile when Leslie used the term 'aunt', "Thank you for treating me like a normal teenager. For the last couple of weeks, everyone has been treating me like I'm some fragile doll. This is the first time I've actually felt really happy in a long time. So, thanks."  
>Carole smiled at the teenager, her heart swelling, "I don't know how you're feeling, but I could tell you were getting pretty annoyed with everyone prodding and poking at you."<p>

Leslie smiled and sat back in her seat, amazed at how calm and happy she was. They arrived in Lima a little less than an hour later, shopping bags in tow. When Kurt saw them, he ran up to Leslie and dragged her downstairs to his bedroom.

"Show me everything!" Kurt said, putting Leslie's bags on his bed. She laughed and showed Kurt everything she had bought, from the plain jeans which Kurt rolled his eyes at, to the new pair of heels Carole had convinced her to buy. "You seem happy," Kurt noticed when Leslie collapsed on his bed with a happy smile on her face.

She nodded, "I am. Today, no one talked to me about my mom. No one shot me a sympathetic look. I had such a fun time with Carole today, if I never have to go back to school I'll be happy,"

"By the way, I got your homework from your teachers today," Kurt smirked, setting a folder on the bed which landed with a soft thud.

Leslie simply shrugged, "Easy enough. I'm gonna go get started on that," she smiled, grabbed the folder and went up to her room. As soon as she shut the door, she broke down. Not knowing what caused the tears and sobbing confused her. Maybe it was because she had spent all day with a woman who was so motherly, but wasn't her mother. "Mom, why aren't you here? Why did you have to kill yourself? That's all I wanna know," she covered her face with her hands and sobbed quietly until she fell asleep on the floor, not realizing she had spoken the questions out loud. She didn't know how long she was there until someone knocked on the door.

"Leslie, dinner's ready," Finn said.

"'M not hungry," Leslie muttered into the plushy carpet.

"We ordered Chinese, you sure?" Finn pressed.

"Positive, I just wanna sleep, okay?" at this point Leslie was getting frustrated. Every time it seemed that people would leave her alone, they wouldn't.

"Oh... okay. Do you need anything?" now, Leslie was down-right angry.

"Just leave me alone, Finn! God!" she shouted, more tears springing out of her face. She heard Finn walk away. Her explosions were getting worse. Leslie closed her eyes and leaned against her door, wondering what the hell was wrong with her. No less than fifteen minutes later, Burt was knocking on her door.

"Les, it's your uncle, come on, open up."

Leslie was past her point of being fed-up, she whipped open the door, breathing heavily, "You really don't understand what the phrase 'leave me alone' means, do you?" she said through her teeth, "I don't want to talk to anyone! Not even you guys! That's how we dealt with... with shit at my house. We didn't talk about it." she was crying. Again. But she didn't know if they were tears from being upset or being angry.

"Leslie, look where that got your mom. She killed herself." Burt said, his calming manor opposite of Leslie's angry, upset tone.

"Maybe that's the fate set for me, too then!" she yelled before shoving past Burt and running out the stairs and out the door.

* * *

><p>Burt and the rest of them called her name but she ignored them, and the fact that a cold front had just swept through and she was just wearing a t-shirt. But she ran. She ran until she thought her legs were going to give out and then she walked. She walked until a black car pulled up next to her.<p>

"Leslie?" the guy in the driver's side asked. She turned and saw Blaine, much to her surprise. "Leslie, what are you doing in Westerville?"

"What're you?" she responded dryly.

"I live out here, this is where Dalton's at." Blaine said with a chuckle in his voice, "Come on, get in. You must be freezing," Blaine pulled up to the sidewalk but Leslie kept walking. Once again, she was not being left alone.

"Go away." she muttered, glaring at him.

"Leslie, it's 40 degrees out and you're in a white t-shirt. I won't talk to you, just let me take you home." Blaine had now parked his car and jogged to catch up with the redhead.

"I don't want to go home! No one around me understands that I just want to be left alone! Now go away!" she shouted at Blaine, tears stinging her eyes, "Oh my god I want to stop crying," she sat on the curb and put her head in her hands while her shoulders shook with silent sobs. Blaine stayed where he was for a while, not speaking.

"Leslie, I can't just leave you. Kurt would kill me, and you know that." he sighed.

Leslie looked up at the boy, "I know. But I don't want to be there right now. I want to be back in Michigan. With my mom. But that's never going to happen for as long as I live, I'll probably end up just like her. So unhappy I'll end my life," she muttered, looking back at the ground.

"No," Blaine said sternly, sitting down next to her, "You can't think like that. You can't think about killing yourself. You know how much your mom hurt you by what she did?" Leslie nodded, "Think of how much you'll hurt Kurt or Finn. Burt and Carole, too."

Leslie shook her head, "They'd get over it,"

"No, they wouldn't. Leslie, you can't think like this. Maybe... maybe you should talk to someone about this," Blaine suggested. She whipped her head to look at him and then stood up.

"The last thing I want to do is relieve the last month while talking to a shrink who couldn't give a damn about what I'm feeling!" her breathing had gotten more difficult and her tears had stopped, though it still felt like she was sobbing.

"Leslie! Breathe, okay? Just breathe." Blaine put his hands on the younger girl's shoulders but she pushed him away weakly.

"Leave me alone!" her voice was growing more hoarse by the word. She tried walking away, but staggered until she fell down.

"Leslie!" Blaine called and ran the few feet to get to her. When he reached her, she was breathing hard and her eyes were searching everywhere, "Hey, just breathe okay? It's okay. You're fine." Blaine said soothingly, running his hand over her forehead and through her hair. She found his eyes and nodded, trying to calm herself down. Once her breathing steadied, Blaine sighed. "Can I take you home now that you've had your panic attack?" Leslie nodded reluctantly. She got into Blaine's black Jetta and glowered out the window until they arrived in Lima.

"Blaine, the hell are you doing here—Leslie!" Kurt exclaimed, running towards his cousin. He went to wrap his arms around her when she backed away, an angry look washing across her face.

"Don't touch me. Leave me alone." she pushed past everyone and went straight to her room.

"What happened? Come on inside, it's freezing out," Kurt led Blaine inside and sat him down on the couch.

"She ran all the way to Westerville. I found her walking on a sidewalk. I pulled over, but she refused to get in my car. Then she just—just starting freaking out. The next thing I knew she was having a panic attack. Earlier she had been talking about how she was gonna end up just like her mother, suicide and all. It really scared me," Blaine took in the faces of his boyfriend's family, who all looked shocked, thankful and worried.

"Oh my god," Carole said, "We had such a nice time today shopping. Burt, do you think we rushed her to go to school?"

The older man shrugged, "I thought she was ready. She wasn't crying as much, she was eating a little better,"

"Look, I don't know the details. I think the only person who does is Leslie. But she's clearly more upset than any of us thought. She doesn't want to talk, but maybe therapy could help her. Maybe." Blaine brought up the topic again to his less hostile audience.

"It's a good idea. But I think she should keep going to school, it's a distraction," Kurt piped up. Blaine smiled gently at him, setting his hand on Kurt's knee. They quickly finished the conversation and let Blaine and Kurt be alone.

"How're you?" Blaine asked his taller boyfriend.

Kurt shrugged and leaned into Blaine, "M'okay. I guess. I'm so worried about Leslie. She's starting to scare me." Blaine nodded and kissed Kurt's head.

"I know, I know. Honestly, this is normal. But the fact that she said she was probably going to end up killing herself... she's worse off now than she ever will be. Albeit if and when she decides to actually... you know," Blaine trailed off and Kurt sat up.

"That's what I'm scared of. That I'm going to wake up one morning, and she's not." Kurt rubbed his eye, shaking his head.

"Kurt, you can't worry yourself sick over this," Blaine looked at his boyfriend, love washing over his eyes, "She'll be okay. If you let her be okay. But, I agree with you. School is a good distraction, though she also needs help."

"You're right. But she won't talk to us, or listen to us," he looked up as he heard the stairs creaking and Leslie look at them, almost a ghost-like expression on her face. "Leslie, come here. Please." Kurt's voice was warm and comforting. Kurt and Blaine both noticed the hesitation in her face, but she came over to the couch anyway. "Leslie, I think you need to talk someone, before you protest! Because I can see it in your face and hear the words already forming in your brain, you'll explode less, and you'll heal better and faster. You can't be like this forever. You need to start the healing process." Leslie's eyes glistened as she nodded.

"Wait, you agree?" Blaine asked, his arm around Kurt's shoulders. Leslie nodded again.

"I know. I need help. One minute I'm super happy, the next I want to throw something. I've been thinking about, um, about how my mom died, and how easy it was. So easy. But I want to keep going to school." the last sentence was added quickly. Kurt smiled and pulled Leslie into a hug, which seemed to relax her muscles.

"You're going to be okay. I promise. It's going to be a long process, but you'll be okay." he said into her hair. Leslie closed her eyes and felt every tense cell in her body calm down. She knew she was going to be okay. She knew it.

The three talked for a few moments longer before Blaine announced he had to leave.  
>"Oh, Blaine?" Leslie asked, Blaine turned around, "Thank you. For the flowers. They're beautiful,"<p>

"No problem," Blaine smiled and kissed Kurt before heading out into the cold.

* * *

><p><em>six months later: April<em>

"So, how're you feeling Leslie?" Dr. Gordon asked, a small smile on her face.

"I'm... I'm really good. School is going so well. I love Glee club, I have all A's, with the exception of a B in my biology class. Dumbest class ever. I mean, my mom's birthday is tomorrow and I know that's just going to suck, but I'll be okay. It won't be easy, but what part of this journey has been?" Leslie smiled. She had been in therapy since late October and it had helped her so much. She didn't have panic attacks as often anymore, but they still happened, and she had officially come off of her anti-depressants a week ago and was feeling great. Though in the beginning she was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, she was getting that under control as well. Her best friend in the entire world was Quinn Fabray from Glee club. Everything is Leslie's life was going smoothly for the first time in a long time. Of course the holidays had been hard, but she was so thankful to spend it with the Hummels. "I'm really happy, honestly."

Her therapist looked at her, "I've noticed such a dramatic change in you, Leslie. It's so great to see. Which is why I'm going to suggest that we see each other less often. Maybe once a week instead of every day."

"Wha-what? After six months? Doc, I know I'm better but I don't think I'm completely better. I still have nightmares, I still cry for no reason. I... I need these daily sessions!" Leslie exclaimed.

Dr. Gordon smiled, "Leslie, you don't. And I know it hasn't been that long, but look how far you've come. And you'll still get your sessions! You are a very special person, and you're going to do amazing things. Because of your semi-frequent panic attacks, I'm going to prescribe you an anxiety medication. Somethings can't be fixed just by talking to someone, like your anxiety. But it'll help. I promise." she smiled at the redhead, who seemed to have calmed down a bit. After a few seconds, Leslie nodded.

"You know what's best." she smiled a genuine smile, showing her teeth for the first time in what seemed like years.

* * *

><p>Even though it was April, it was freezing cold in Michigan as Leslie faced the lake where she had spread her mother's ashes back in October.<p>

"I'm doing better, mom. I have genuine friends, I'm doing really well in school. Duke is interested in me and they're willing to give me a full scholarship for academics if I do well on the SAT. I think I'm going to go for psychology. I don't want people to ever feel the way you did. I love you so much mom, Happy Birthday." she smiled at the white-caps forming on the water. Leslie closed her eyes for a minute, taking everything in. She stood on the sand for a few more minutes before walking back over to Kurt's car. He was leaning against the passenger door, watching his cousin with a proud smile. Leslie had come so far in the last half year. From her explosions to her awful eating habits which turned into a bright, healthy, intelligent girl like the Leslie he knew before her mother's suicide. She still wore the sweatshirt, wore the ring, cuddled the unicorn and read the note, but it was more for her mother's memory now than it was to try and bring her back. She still cried, she still had panic attacks, but she was doing better. Kurt thought she would never fully recover, but she would come awfully close.

"You okay?" Kurt met his cousin half-way between the shore and his car, sliding his arm around her shoulders.

Leslie smiled, "Yeah. I am." and she was. Sure she would have bad days, but she really was okay. The drive from Kalamazoo, Michigan back to Lima, Ohio was a short one. Kurt and Leslie laughed and sang along to the radio the entire drive home. Things were going back to normal, and everything was great.


End file.
